16 – Decisions

There will always be times in your life where you have to decide. Will I be what they want? Or will I be what I want? What they want.  What I want.

15 – Self Portrait

I look in the mirror. What do I see? I see a twenty-two year old adult staring back at me. They have my mother’s eyes and smile, my father’s lips and cheeks.  I see a stomach full of stretch-marks, capable hands, legs that could use shaving.  I see broad shoulders, a long neck, and cropped […]

14 – Coming Clean

There’s still something in my pulp. It’s been there all along. It began with subtle twinges of unbelonging, a little wrongness with my long hair and soft breasts. It’s not that these parts were bad, it’s that they didn’t seem to belong to me. Like pulp, they float in me, unwanted and hard to swallow. […]

13 – Spectator

I was told I was a girl, so I believed it. All my life, I sat back and watched as my life happened to me. Decisions weren’t my own, my body wasn’t my own. My story belonged to the expectations of others. And as hard as I tried, I simply could not meet them.  Difference […]

12 – Close Look

Look a little closer: what do you see? You see hazel eyes with flecks of brown just like your mother’s.  You see rosy lips with two sharp peaks that curve into a smile.  You see blonde lashes that curl into the light. You see the chicken pox scar on your torso that winks white against […]

11 – Reflections

Reflections can deceive you. Like carnival mirrors, minds stretch and distort your body into funhouse proportions and outlandish figures. Take off the white paint. Undo the frills of your collar. Realize this: you do not have to fit this mirror. It is a reflection of who you are (who I am).  Wheels begin to turn. You decide […]

10 – Pride

You pride yourself on being friends with boys. You pride yourself on how you dress, how you act, on how you cut your hair. Not flamboyant. Not in everyone’s face. You’re not one of those gays, you’re subtle. Unsuspecting to the naked eye and every passerby. That’s just not who I am, you say. I’m not one of those. Parades and rainbow […]

9 – Coming Clean

There’s something in your pulp. It’s been there all along. Now you see it. Now you know it. You are a queer. You tried avoiding it your whole life. You didn’t even have the words, but it started in the changing room. It started with your best friend. Hurried glances, averted eyes, and blushing cheeks. Fluttering heartbeats, shaky hands, parched […]

8 – Self Portrait

You look in the mirror and what do you see? You do not see yourself as a teenager with a sad face and hollows under your eyes, but as a mass of bones that distort into rolls of fat and gristle, a mass of skin that sags and stretches with the length of your limbs. The mirror […]

7 – Vignette

Mom says you need to be happier. Dad says you need to be tougher. Grandma says you need to be thinner. Grandpa says you need to be smarter. What do you say? You need to be: >Happier >Tougher >Thinner >Smarter >Better in every way.